Time for a new thread: Sheep-related jokes

[Camille]

JIM buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool. After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant, and calls a vet for help. The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination.

JIM doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the sheep are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and will, instead, lay down and wallow in the grass when they are pregnant.

JIM hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the sheep. So, he loads the sheep into his truck, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back and goes to bed.

Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he concludes that the first try didn't take, and loads them in the truck again. He drives them out to the woods, bangs each sheep twice for good measure, brings them back and goes to bed.

Next morning, he wakes to find the sheep still just standing around. One more try, he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up and drive them out to the woods. He spends all day shagging the sheep and, upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed.

The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look at the sheep. He asks his wife to look out and tell him if the sheep are laying in the grass. "No," she says, "they're all in the truck and one of them's honking the horn."

[..Ñøßߥ..]

Camille, Quit steeling my jokes and RE-posting them!

As you clearly dont read my posts i guess i can get away with this:

I sent a PI to check Camilleout, he took a picture over her Garden Fence, here it is

Camilles Garden

[subhuman_bob]

Why do Scotsmen wear kilts? So the sheep won't hear the zipper

I direct you to caption above my picture in this thread: http://www.vladd44.com/phpbb2/viewtopic.php?t=6102

Sheep have also eveolved the ability to hear the sound of tartan rubbing on underwear, hence why no true Scot will wear underwear with a kilt.

As soon as you don underwear, it ceases to be a kilt and becomes a skirt. This also raises the question of why would someone do that in a country where thistles grow thigh-high.....

[Camille]

hehehehe love you guys

[baphster]

nobby gets shipwrecked with his pitbull, satan. After exploring the island he finds the only other inhabitant, a ewe. Satan immediately mounts the ewe and gives it a good seeing to which nobby thinks is disgusting. after a few weeks pass however, the sheep looks more attractive to him, but every time he makes advances Satan growls and chases him off. 6 months later another castaway, a beautiful blonde in a string bikini, is washed up on the beach. nobby gives her the kiss of life and sits her in front of his fire until she regains consciousness. When she comes to the blonde says "thank you for saving me, to show my gratitude i'll do /ANYTHING/ you want me to" nobby says "anything at all?" and ther blonde says "yes".., ok say nobby, eyeing the sheep.... take this bloody dog for a walk....

[..Ñøßߥ..]

How does baphster find a sheep in long grass?


Very appealing!

[JIM-921]

nobby, is THAT why you were dressed as a sheep in the field?

i thought it odd that a sheep had wellies on.

[Camille]

A young ventriloquist was scheduled to perform a show in Dallas, but was lost somewhere outside of Houston. He saw an old redneck walking along the road with a flock of sheep and two German Shepherds.

“Say, buddy, can you tell me how to get to Dallas?� the ventriloquist asked. But the redneck rudely turned his back and ignored the ventriloquist.

A little miffed, the ventriloquist decided to play a joke on the redneck. He called to one of the German Shepherds and asked, “Excuse me doggy, but can you give me directions?�

Throwing his voice, the ventriloquist made it seem as it the dog was talking: “Sorry, mister, but I can’t help you! I’ve got problems of my own! This mean ol’ redneck is such a horrible owner—he’s always yelling at me and hitting me!�

The redneck’s jaw dropped in disbelief. And the ventriloquist continued, asking the second dog, “Is that true, Mr. Doggy? Is this redneck a mean owner?�

“Oh, he’s a terrible man, mister!� the second dog answered. “We never have enough food to eat and my poor paws are aching from all this walking!�

The ventriloquist turned to the lead sheep. “Tell me, Mr. Sheep, how does the redneck treat you?�

All panicked, the redneck screamed, “Don’t listen to him! Sheep lie! Sheep lie!�

[JIM-921]

and Vladd is moving soon, it seems suspicious to me

maybe Mr E will send him his dog eared copy when he's done with it and save him the trouble of moving.

[Serenity411]

A one sheep town

A lawyer from New York was transferred to a small frontier town during the settlement of the West. After several weeks there he noticed that solely men populated the town. He asked one of the local cowboys, "What do you do when you get the urge for a woman?"

The cowboy replied, "See them thar' sheep up on thet hill. We just go git us one."
"That is disgusting and barbaric!!" replied the lawyer.


After about 3 months the lawyer could not stand it any longer. He decided though, if he was going to do a sheep, he would show these yokels how to do it right. He picked out the prettiest sheep of the bunch, bathed her, put a pink ribbon on her, served her hay on a china plate, dressed her in fine lingerie, and then took the sheep to bed.


After he finished he decided to take his new found lover out for a drink. He wandered into the local saloon with the sheep under his arm. The piano fell silent, people dropped drinks, and all the cowboys turned, and stared in shocked disbelief.
The lawyer said, "You bunch of hypocrites. You look at me as if I'm some sort of freak for doing what you've been doing all along. I'm just doing it with more class."
"That ain't the problem," replied one cowboy. "That's the sheriff's gal you're with."

[Serenity411]

Q: What do you call an Irishman with a sheep under his arm?

A: A pimp.

lmao

[Serenity411]

is it me or is this sheep screaming "HARRY"?

[צ×(¯°¤§h¥Kïtt¥¤°¯)צ×]

Good one seren