Thinking of retiring?

[Canada Joe]

Retirement Locations

You can live in Phoenix, Arizona where.....
1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
2. You've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the
toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when
you open your oven door.
6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!



You can live in California where...
1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it
will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought

You can live in Maine where...
1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The 4 seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and
construction. (Note - this also applies to Anchorage, Alaska.)


You can live in the Deep South where...
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. "He needed killin'" is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty
Jean, Mary Beth, etc.


You can live in Colorado where...
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops at
the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.


You can live in the Midwest where...
1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was
different!"


. And you can live in Florida where...
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you are often driven by headless people.

[April]

You can live in New Jersey where.....
1. Insuring your car costs about the same as buying a house.
2. You can get both a speeding ticket and one for going too slow, at the same time.
3. Giving the finger is an acceptable standard greeting.
4. Every town has a 24-hour diner.
5. You live within 20 minutes of at least three different shopping malls.
6. Property taxes exceed the value of your house.
7. The state motto is "You Want A ##$%##! Motto? I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right here!"
8. You get to claim ownership to BOTH of NY's pro football teams.
9. You NEVER pump your own gas.
10. You haven't really had a religious experience unless you ate one of these: